Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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