I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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