Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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