I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
