Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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