Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
