you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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