She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
