I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
