Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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