Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
