Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have fence marks all over my body
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
