I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
