He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
