It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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