How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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