She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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