508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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