OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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