get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
