after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That accounts for only three of the penises
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
