he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Come on in and take your pants off
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