You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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