We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
