sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
