i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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