Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
