So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
