It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I want a musical about memes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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