I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
