im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
