I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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