I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
