one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sorry about my life...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
