its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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