I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
