I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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