tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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