That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
