i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
