If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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