so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
