i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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