thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
