your parents love me but you hate me
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
