I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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