Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
