Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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