ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
