I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
