Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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