im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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