where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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