This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
