Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
