You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
