i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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